My Sleeping Birth

A longtime ago in the early 1990’s an eager young freshman started high school. She was excited to embark on a new journey filled with new people, new teachers just a new environment was enough to light a fire under her ass. This young freshman felt as if she was just let out of serving time in a maximum security prison. You see she had just graduated from the Acceleration & Enrichment Program, which was a program for gifted students which allowed them to basically skip a grade. These students are afforded the opportunity to study pure curriculum .( meaning no fun stuff like gym, just brain food) That school’s idea of Phy.Ed consisted of given the students one hour a week to go into the parking lot and play, like they were elementary students at recess. Back to the story the young freshman wanted to enroll in an afterschool activity she decided to return to a sport she once was involved with which was track & field. The young freshman ran track & field before she was dragged to that prison they called a school. She started with the first type in high school which was cross country. The freshman was now overexcited to run cross-country, the naive freshman thought that cross- country meant that the team traveled around the country competing. But to her surprise it meant distance running. (Meaning you run for miles) During this shocking process the eager freshman was partnered up with an arrogant blue-black senior guy to train with. The track coach had this crazy notion that pairing a girl with a guy pushes the girl stronger. Nevertheless the young freshman was paired with this extremely conceited senior; he was the captain of the boy’s team. At first the freshman couldn’t stand her partner, she fought him every step of the way. This sleaze bag felt like he was God’s gift to women and he wasn’t that cute plus he was from the Caribbean. As the season progressed, these two the freshman & the arrogant senior became friends, the freshman started to see a different side of the sleaze bag, once arrogant and conceited he was now also considerate and sweet at times. She learned he was intelligent and compassionate as well. Toward the end of the cross-country season these two were always together on and off the track. On February 28, 1994, after practice during the now indoor track season (which took place during the cold winter months) the athletes competing inside the senior gave his freshman girlfriend her usually ride home. But this day they didn’t go straight to her house he took her to his brother’s apartment for some alone time before her curfew. The couple got to their destination just as the brother was still at work so they would not be disrupted. The freshman was sore from practice so the now sweet senior offered to help her out with a leg massage. For the duration of the freshman’s massage the two talked about their relationship. The once arrogant senior told the freshman that he now loved her, and the freshman felt so warm that she felt obligated to make love to him. That was the natural next step after someone you’re dating says that right? Subsequently the freshman thought, so they did, these two experiences started on the bed slow and gentle protected also but it was awkward and weird. After their time spent on the bed the freshman was still sore maybe a little more now that she did what she did. But the now sweet senior ran her a hot bubble bath to relax those tight muscles. The freshman entered the nice soothing bath allowing for some time to past, then the freshman invited the senior to join her being that they was still room for another. While lying in this relaxing tub of temptation with all the pores of your body opening the two started something else another round of “work” began this time less awkward than the first. After they toweled off the senior then took the freshman home. For the next few months well into the outdoor season of track & field this couple was so tight it became sickening, they started to finish each other thoughts. Until the senior got a new car then the guy the freshman initially met started to resurface. The freshman didn’t like that the senior’s popularity began to rise and the attention went to his head he would flirt directly in the freshman’s face. She had enough so they broke up right before his birthday in May. The freshman was no longer the center of the senior’s attention and she wasn’t having that. Now it’s the end of the school year and the summer is on the horizon the young girl is not a freshman anymore. Throughout the young girl’s summer she had fun going to events in the community until one day in late July, she had a huge argument with her mother what they disagreed about she can’t recall but she knew it was big because she went to stay at her grandmother’s house for a while. The whole time the young girl was at her grandmother’s house the grandmother was having these feelings that it was something different about her grandchild. This concern troubled the grandmother so she ordered her daughter to take her daughter to the doctor. The doctor the grandmother was referring to was the GYN; you see the grandmother suspected that her young granddaughter was pregnant. When the young girl was told of the idea she laughed hilariously because as we all learned in Health Ed., a woman is pregnant when she has sex and then her menstrual cycle stops. And the young girl’s cycle never stopped, so she felt like she had no worries. So exactly 15 days before the young girl’s 15th birthday the young girl was taken to the GYN by her mother. When they arrived to this hospital like environment she started to laugh again, thinking that her family was in for a surprise because she wasn’t pregnant. The young girl thought you have to be sexually involved to have a baby and she wasn’t having been for some time plus she had her cycle the month before. So the young was instructed to enter this exam room and the doctor came in and started by asking her a few questions like; “have you ever had sex?, when was the last time you had sex if ever?, and when was your last cycle?” The young girl replied, “Yes, about6 months ago, and 3 weeks ago.” Then the doctor next told the young girl to remove her clothes and put on a gown for her examination. The girl did, and it began the doctor started with placing a hard cold thing in between her legs, “that hurts” the girl said. Then she was instructed to go to the bathroom to pee in a plastic cup. Aw! Said the girl but she did that was the actual pregnancy test. The young now thought her family would be sorry for subjecting her to this cruelty so early in her life. After the young girl returned from the bathroom the nurse stuck her with a needle to draw her blood for more tests then told her she could redress and wait for the doctor with her mother. The young girl found her mother sitting on these blue-metal chairs attached to each other in rows of four she sat one chair away from her mother and they waited. Approximately 20 minutes later the doctor came out there and ask the pair to join him back in that cold scary examination room. The doctor handed a white receipt like paper to the young girl, and then left her alone with her mother. She didn’t really understand what was on it, but she did see a + sign on it with a big circle around it. The young girl threw the paper at her mother and said “See I’m not pregnant!” The mother looked at the paper and slapped the taste out the young girl’s mouth. “You stupid heifer”, said the mother, “that means you are pregnant.” The young girl stood stunned, and confused by both what her mother said and did. The doctor returned into the room to discuss the options the young girl had, he gave her and her mother a few pamphlets then scheduled an appointment for the next month as well as prescribing some prenatal vitamins. The entire car ride home the young girl was quiet trying to wrap her head around what was going on. Her mother wasn’t so talkative either. But when these travelers reached their home the thunder and earthquakes began. The earthquakes continued on a regular base, every time the young girl and her mother’s eyes met the floor would shake here comes another one. After a few days the thunder stooped because next they had to decide on what to do. The mother’s first instinct was to save her young girl’s youth so she thought. Only way she had was to terminate the pregnancy so without even considering the young girl’s feeling her mother took her somewhere. This was another hospital like environment but it was a clinic. Before a clinic can terminate a pregnancy they have to verify how far the patient is. The young girl had to drink damn near a gallon of water before they could give her the ultra-sound. (This was how they checked) It was now the young girl’s turn to have an ultrasound the technician told her to remove her clothes and put on a gown. The young girl thought her we go again. Nonetheless the tech then told her to lie down on this wax like paper on the exam table. (Yeah another one) Then this woman tech placed this cold slimy gel stuff on the young girl’s abdominal area, the young girl flinched a little at the coldness of the gel, the tech instructed her to try to lay still. Following a few minutes it was over the tech wiped the slimy stuff off the young girl’s stomach area and told her to get dressed. Then a doctor again escorted the young girl and her mother into an office there he told them that they could not terminate the young girl’s pregnancy because she was 22 weeks pregnant and that facility could only terminate up to 20 weeks. The doctor also informed them that it would be illegal for anyone to terminate past 25 weeks. Now the clock was ticking for the mother’s initial plan, she had less than two weeks to get this done and save her daughter so she thought. At this point the young girl finally opened her mouth and told her mother to stop, “ I wanna keep my baby”, said the young girl, “ ma it’s a real baby now”, she further replied. The mother shocked stayed silent and walked toward the car. At this juncture we have another pin dropping car ride. But when they reached the house the mother stayed silent she just went into her bedroom and grabbed the phone. The mother called her mother to tell her the events that happened at the hospital like clinic. The young girl’s 15th birthday came & went there were other issues taking place more important than her age change so there was no celebration that year. A few weeks later the young girl’s sophomore year of high school began. The first day of school came still not showing so much the now young sophomore went to class; most of her classmate couldn’t believe she was pregnant or how far along she was. They figured she was about 3 or 4 months being that she had a pouch not a belly but the sophomore was almost 7 months. Any way the first month wasn’t so hard but when the young sophomore got into taking her prenatal vitamins she started to grow and then it got hard. One day while trying to make her way up the stairs to her biology class the pregnant sophomore felt sharp pains in her stomach and felon the stairs. A student walking bye went to get the school nurse. The pregnant sophomore was in labor, but premature labor because she was not due to deliver for about 10 more weeks. The pregnant sophomore was taken to the hospital (a real one) where her labor was stopped. She spent a few days there in the hospital to make sure everything was alright. When the young pregnant sophomore returned home she learned that she would no longer be attending regular school she would now be home schooled. That was when teachers came to the home to teach a lesson, the instructor only came once a week for two hours per subject. In the beginning the young pregnant sophomore was upset feeling as though she was going miss something in the halls of a high school, but when the actual sessions started she was thrilled. The young pregnant sophomore only had school for no more than 4 hours a day and then she had a week to complete her assignments. For the next 2 months the young pregnant sophomore did nothing but lay in a bed (this was doctor’s order she had a high-risk pregnancy) she was only allowed to get out of it to go to the bathroom, doctor, and for the instructors for home school. The young pregnant sophomore was miserable, she felt the life growing inside her which was her only comfort she had, but the anticipation was killing her softly. December 14, 1994, the young pregnant sophomore went to the doctor because she was a week late the baby was supposed to be here already. At this visit the doctor informed the girl that everything was fine but if she didn’t deliver within the week they would have to induce her labor. The young pregnant girl went back home to her bed and waited to go to sleep. Later on about 3am in the morning the young pregnant sophomore was sleeping when she was awaken by the fact she felt like she had to pee really bad like she had not been to the bathroom for like days. So she went to the bathroom as the young pregnant sophomore sat down on the toilet she began to leak lots and lots of fluid like substance. The young pregnant sophomore didn’t know what was happening so she called out to her mother. MA! MA! She yelled and her half sleep mother ran into the bathroom, “I can’t stop peeing “, the girl said. Her mother confused herself called a relative for help due to the fact that she had her kids by c-section. They informed the mother that the young pregnant sophomore‘s water just broke and the baby was coming she needed to get to the hospital. The mother called 911, and they came and took them to another real hospital. At the hospital the young pregnant sophomore was rushed into what they call a labor room, where they would monitor her labor until she was fully ready to deliver. The young pregnant sophomore in a little pain was still sleepy, she began to complain, her mother told her to stop, they start arguing then out of nowhere the young pregnant sophomore slapped the taste out her mother’s mouth while screaming “Shut Up!” A nearby nurse save that young pregnant girls’ life cause the mother was ready to strike. The nurse then gave the young pregnant sophomore something for the pain which put her to sleep. A few hours later the young pregnant sophomore was awoken by a nurse telling her it was time, she was fully dilated and it was time to push the baby out. The young pregnant sophomore still sleep was rolled into to a delivery room as they pushed her down the hall her eyes opening and closing she could remember the big white lights above her head. All she wanted to do was sleep. But some way with help of a nurse she gave birth at 9:35am anyhow. The funny thing is that the young pregnant sophomore was sleeping during the delivery so when she finally was waked she had no idea what happened and was wondering why she wasn’t pregnant anymore. Her mother who was napping by her bed told her she was now a mother to a beautiful baby boy. The now young sophomore mother was introduced to a 6lb. 15.5oz. Little Chinese looking baby in which she named KEVIN.

Blog #10 What's Next My Sleeping Birth

The next subject I am going to attempt tell a story about is the nature of child birth and how a young girl learns that nature first hand. I will try to show her long and stressful journey into becoming a parent extremely early. this essay will attempt to explain the miracle of life which is my son. When I think back to that time in my life I now laugh but then i do remember being scared. I felt like I was in war for the life of my baby. I mean it was bad enough getting disowned by some family member while placed a young pregnant teen on guard. But throughout the struggle I still had my bundle of joy. And now he and are fighting the war together.

Blog #9 Reflection

During the process of writing this essay I rediscovered feeling about the situation i had almost forgot. I realized they were emotions that I had been suppressing for some time now. As I was traveling back to those moments in my life I revisited those emotions. And while going through these motions I was also able to gain a better understanding of what had actually happened and in that light I felt that the experience made my essay better. At first I didn't believe that I would be able to write the piece since the subject matter was so close to me. Now in terms of revision i don't think I wanna touch it but i might add a little back story to the relationship between my mother and myself. I don't particularly feel comfortable with that idea but we'll see what happens when I cross that bridge.

The Day My Life Became A T.V. Show

Most of my life I've grown up watching T.V., same as most people in my generation. I was never really an outside kid growing up unless it pertained to a sports activity in which I was involved in. Anyway television was my window into different types of peoples lives & problems. One of my favorite types of T.V. show was and still is dramas. You know the kind of show that pulls on your heart strings, dramas tend to draw a person in with the emotions of the lead character. W e root them while in their conflicts and feel sad when they lose. We empathise and try to relate to their situation, the show goes off and then we move on with the day,never really knowing the feelings that character was trying to invoke. I don't personally like drama in my own life but do really enjoy watching other people's drama on T.V. But one day I had the opportunity to live out my own television drama starring myself and my family .
It was the summertime almost a week after my birthday while in school I received an urgent phone call just like one of the characters would receive on one of my shows which initially gave me a deja vu moment. the call was from my grandmother telling me I needed to return to my hometown immediately to see my mother. Before this real life drama began i was just getting close to my mother after our relationship being explosive for most of my life. During my childhood my mother Alice who I was named after was like Dr. Jekell And Ms. Hyde. Now if you know that story which was about a doctor trying to find a cure for an illness and ending giving himself an split personality, well she was kinda like that. i mean I know my mother loved me, and was extremely proud of me she just didn't really share that information with me directly. I always heard her praises from a third party to which she had told about my triumphs. Due to this straining relationship and list of other reasons which we can't discuss right now I left the nest at the tender age of sixteen . It was only at the wise age of twenty that my mother showed me some acknowledgement head to head and that was when I met my #1 fan.
For the next few years we talked everyday, whenever I felt defeated or had a situation she was right there. At this point in my life my mother was my #1 defender. So when the family was made aware that she was diagnosed with liver disease, I immediately drooped out of college and went to training school in New ark, New Jersey to become a C.N.A. (certified nurses assistant) I was gonna be the one to take care of her which she was about to need. Back to the story so I'm in school I get that urgent page to get to Christ Hospital in Jersey City, New Jersey. The time of the dire call was 9:16a.m., why I still know that actually time is because for about five minutes time stood still and my watch was blinking 9:16, of course that didn't really happen but that's what it felt like in my mind but when I did return to reality I checked my phone's call history and I guess that was when that set time was stored in my head. By this time I was in my car driving forgetting speed limits oblivious to the law I arrived at the hospital at 9:38a.m. I parked my car anywhere and ran into the hospital. I went to the nurse's station to ask where is my mother. The nurse on duty told me she was in room 514C ( yeah I remember that too) so I walked really really fast down the hallway to room 514C. In this beige and blue room attached to what seemed to me like 10 machines laying in this metal and white bed was my Dr. Jekell & Ms. Hyde mother. Here she was so still in this bed looking so peaceful and strained like she was tied down. So I sat down on the side of her bed first placing my head on chest, I wanted to hear her heartbeat. But then I was reminded of all those machines she was attached too ,so I began to question is that her or the machine? Not being able to answer my own question I then placed her hand in mine and stared at this angelic creature whom to me for so long was so strong but now looked so helpless. I stared at that angelic creature in this bed with all those machines attached for awhile she began to look like she was sleeping I think I started to imagine that she was just sleeping in her own bed snoring as usual. Then the reality hit me again and the visual that i really had came back those damn machines. After some time my little sister arrived , she is a few years younger than me but we both were grown, there still was another sister, this teenage girl in a 5Th grade class oblivious to what was going on . Well my little sister entered room 514C ,while I was still sitting at my mother bedside hand in hand, she just stood at the foot of the bed staring. Hear comes the T.V. moment, as I sit on the side of the bed my mother 's hand in mine my sister started to to touch my mother's leg once both of our hands were touching her at the same tie those damn machines started to beep, the alarm on the machine which tells you her heart rate and blood pressure changed color . The monitor once black with two red lines, one solid and straight the other wavy like the ocean are now both blue and straight just like on T.V. My mother had flat lined my sister and I looked up at each other and then a team of nurses and doctors swarmed in the room same as the shows I watch so often. One of the nurses told me that we had to leave the room. And in that moment which seemed like an eternity we froze and neither I nor my sister could move. I personally was stuck in amazement looking at an actual crash cart with paddle that another nurse was placing on my mother's chest, I then looked over at my sister and she was on the floor. An orderly had to carry her into the waiting room the nurse escorted me into. while my sister and I waited in this dull beige and brown closet like room, the team attempted to revive my mother. As we waited a lifetime in that dull beige & brown room two priest walked in just like on T.V., one African American and the other Caucasian. When I saw them I guess that's when the true reality of the situation set in and I began to scream NO, NO, NO. I told the ministers to get out it not over yet , y'all came too early. But they weren't because at that moment when I was trying to get rid of them the doctor came into our closet like waiting room. The look on her face told the story but she still utter those famous T.V. words ," we did all we could do but she didn't pull thru". At first I just gazed at the doctor as she then told us her official time of death which was 12:23pm. Yeah just about three hours after I arrived at Christ Hospital in Jersey City, I was instructed to say goodbye to my #1 fan. I was told to let go of my Dr. Jekell & Ms. Hyde mother and I didn't want to even thou most of my life she had a split personality she was still MOMMY. This woman taught me mostly everything I know from paying a bill to getting men to do what you want. I felt that I had too many more lesson to learn. when that team of doctors and nurses couldn't save my mother I felt cheated like T.V. had lied to me , but I realized I wasn't on T.V.. Because on the shows they scare you a little but the character always pull thru, but not MOMMY. My T.V. moment is forever embedded in my memory I live with that visual everyday. For the next few days my family and I made arrangement to lay our angelic peacefully sleeping mother to rest. Ever since August 25,2003 , at 12:23pm I've felt unwhole, everyday I feel like I'm forgetting something. Maybe its guilt over the fact that I wasn't able to take care of her like I now feel she took care of me. I mean how can a person get over losing their center , their defender ; their #1 fan. The only peace of mind that I have is the fact that I know she's back where she belongs showing God her Dr. Jekell & Ms. Hyde personality everyday until we meet again.